What is Sacred Sex?

The word sacred is often used only in regards to religion, but it is a very wondrous quality that comes out of the Universe itself. What is sacred is connected to the Divine. What I mean by Divine is the highest beauty and deepest meaning there is for us to experience. It is boundless, unconditional Love: being the infinite Ocean of all we call Love. It is eternal stillness, the crystal clear state our heart alone can taste. It is the Light of Life that when experienced nakedly and allowed to shine clearly from our eyes makes everyone beautiful. It is the Ultimate unity and harmony of existence itself.

Sacred sex then is sex brought home, purified of all dark “riders” we have connected to it, all the twisted ways and drives of isolated egoism and realized in its true essence. And that essence is clean and life invigorating, joyous and free.

Sex is our base spiritual center. Sexual energy is foundational to our well being. We are both spiritual and sexual beings while in these bodies. It is so very beautiful to discover that reconnected to the Divine both natures exhibit the same qualities.


Sex opens us. Spirit opens us.

Sex is pure ecstasy. Spirit is pure freedom and ecstatic bliss.

Sex moves, builds, guides, teaches, reveals, and fulfills according to its own nature when we follow it freely, guided by real Love. Spirit inspires, builds, guides and teaches us, reveals new ways of seeing, liberates us and fulfills its own free nature of real Love when we follow it freely.

Sex softens us, releases tensions, relaxes us, and makes us beautiful. Spirit softens our inner being, melts away conficts, unifies us, relaxes us in pure trust, and makes us radiantly beautiful.

The highest fulfillment of sex is found in total engagement which can only happen in Love.
The highest fulfillment of Spirit if found in complete union which is the purest form of Love.

The East has many forms of Tantra which many people equate only with sex, but is actually about wholeness and total union with the Divine. There is a Taoist form, Hindu forms and Buddhist forms: each is clothed with its cultural imagery, its rules, postures, etc. These ancient expressions are interesting to explore and may work beautifully for you, but my sense is that the western soul needs western expressions to open it completely. We need to develop a uniquely Western Sacred Sexuality that harmonizes with Life’s great energies and yet allows lots of spontaneous freedom, improvisation and personal expression.

This is because in the West we are more free flowing and innovative. We have been raised this way. It is in us. We value individual exploration and experience. And we inherited a deep respect for each unique soul. In this model, there actually are no rules for sacred sex, just a few guiding principles that open us. Pink Tantra is about these principles, naked of all cultural baggage, clear, accessible, beautiful.


Here are a few principles from this practice that you, in the spirit of the West, may explore and create your own expressions.

1. Create a safe, and beautiful atmosphere.

2. Be fully here in this unfolding moment. Take time to clear the concerns of the day away. Write them down if that helps so you don’t have to think about them now. They are there on the list waiting for later.

3. Direct your attention into your body fully. Move away from the abstractions and symbols of the mind to the sensual reality of the body.

4. Connect fully with your partner. Allow the unfolding experience to carry you beyond ego limits and way of being.

5. Have a clear intention to bring joy and beauty to your partner. This opens you both. Real kindness is magical.

6. Communicate very openly. Be utterly honest. Ask what pleases your partner and let them know what you are feeling and desiring. If you both pray, pray together for this wishing connects you very deeply and allows your deep hearts to freely speak. Ask the Divine to come through.

7. Slow way down. Follow your bodies energetic unfolding. Don’t rush or force things. Think of how the sun opens a flower. Love is the sun and your bodies are flowers opening. Flow with it.

8. Let the woman lead. Not necessarily all the time, but when the man becomes very sensitive and present to the woman it frees her and the magic of the feminine which is in harmony with the deeper soul in us all happens.

9. Let this be your guide: always go deeper. Enjoy everything and keep moving through it. In the end it is our sense of the limitless, the eternal, the infinite that is our highest state of rapturous fulfillment.

Trust that there are energies, natures, and very wise beings that will open and unfold your awareness through this process. You will learn so much.

Don’t be discouraged by blocks and emotional discolorations in you. This is normal. We grow from blocked and twisted to open and clear. This is our human journey. Allow sex and spirit to work through your love-making to open you and show you your way, step by beautiful step. Keep communicating... keep listening... keep being honest. Love works!